


Five Times Ferris Tried to Ask for a Threesome

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
Genre: College, Epic Fail, F/M, First Time, Future Fic, Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Seduction, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-09 01:25:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5520266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ferris is good at everything.</p><p>Except, apparently, seducing his best friend into joining him and his girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Ferris Tried to Ask for a Threesome

**Author's Note:**

  * For [apatternedfever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/apatternedfever/gifts).



> Slight AU in that it's set in a time when Internet access is common.
> 
> A Yuletide treat.

“We should call it Operation Get Into My Roommate’s Pants,” Ferris said.

“We’re not calling it that,” Sloane said firmly.

“…How about Operation Best Threesome Ever?”

“Okay,” Sloane said, nodding. “That actually sounds pretty good.”

\--

“That test kicked my ass,” Cameron said, collapsing onto the couch in his and Ferris’ dorm room.

“Aww,” Sloane said, sitting on the couch’s arm and rubbing Cameron’s hair. “Maybe it wasn’t so bad.”

“Pfft,” Cameron answered, leaning his head on Sloane’s knee. 

Ferris spun around in his chair. “Hey, was this test for econ? Am I in that class?”

Cameron sat up, looking agitated. “You missed the econ midterm, Ferris? I figured you just got assigned to the other side of the lecture hall.” 

Ferris shrugged. “I had to organize an impromptu flash mob. It was very important.”

“Was it for a cause or a protest?” Sloane asked.

“No, it was intentionally meaningless, that’s the whole point. So what was the midterm on?”

Cameron sighed. “Ferris, if you don’t start studying for—“

“Whatever, I’ll ask the TA. I just introduced him to a Nobel prize winner last week, so he loves me now. College is great.”

“Fine,” Cameron said, rolling his eyes. “I’m going to go downstairs to check out the vacuum. There are chips all over the carpet again,” he added pointedly.

As soon as he left the room, Ferris said, “So when he comes back, maybe you should make out with him?”

“What? That’s just going to freak him out, Ferris.” 

“You know, you always mother him. He’s not going to find you sexy if you do that.”

Sloane put her hand on her hip. “First of all, he definitely finds me sexy. Second, there’s nothing motherly about me. Third, even if there were, which there’s not, there’s nothing wrong with mothering someone who’s sad and stressed out, and it would in no way affect being sexy. Fourth, you’re the one who’s spent years pining after your best friend, so if there’s anyone who needs to get sexier, it’s you.” 

“It’s very sexy the way you’re good at winning arguments, by the way.”

“Maybe you’d be good at winning arguments if you ever went to class.”

“Nah, if I added book smart to all my other good qualities, that would be like, too much for people to handle. I’m doing the world a favor.” He smiled at his own ridiculousness, just a little, and Sloane laughed.

“Really, Ferris. You’re his best friend. You bring it up with him,” she added.

Cameron walked back in then with the vacuum. 

“Well, I’m going back to my room for a second to get my books. Be right back,” Sloane said, raising an eyebrow at Ferris.

“Okay.” Cameron started vacuuming.

Ferris tried to talk to him, but Cameron was busy pointing out the places where there were crumbs that he had to vacuum up.

Finally, when he was done, Ferris, impatiently, blurted out, “You know what I read in a magazine? That the average college man has at least one threesome.” 

Cameron looked confused.

“Just saying,” Ferris said.

Sloane walked back in with her books. “Oh, hi, Cameron. Did I mention you look really good in that shirt?”

“Thanks. Um, I have to return the vacuum now.” 

“You wanna watch a movie tonight?” Ferris said.

“Ferris. We have another midterm Monday,” Cameron said.

Ferris looked blank.

“For English,” Cameron reminded him.

“Oh. Okay.”

Cameron rolled his eyes again. “I’m going to give the vacuum back, then go to the library to study.”

“Sounds like a real fun plan, buddy.”

Sloane poked Ferris in the arm, but Cameron didn’t seem to notice and left.

\--

“So what kind of porn is on your computer?” Ferris asked. He was lying on the top bunk, hands behind his head.

“What?” Cameron said, turning red.

“I could have just checked your computer while you were out, but that would be an invasion of privacy.”

“Yes, it definitely would,” Cameron said, looking worriedly at his computer from where he was sitting on the couch, surrounded by books.

“Don’t you think it’s weird that we’ve known each other for like forever and we don’t even know what the other person is into? Sexually, I mean.”

“… Why is that weird? I’m pretty sure that’s not weird, Ferris.”

Ferris jumped down from the top bunk, pushed some books aside and sat next to Cameron. “Aren’t you even a little curious about me? About what it’s like when I’m with Sloane?”

“I’m pretty sure I know,” Cameron mumbled.

“What?” 

Cameron turned even more red. “Dude. That one time a few weeks ago? You really think that you two doing it isn’t going to wake me up? Your bunk is right above me, for goodness’ sake. I just didn’t say anything because it would have made it a million times more awkward…. Like it is now.”

“Damn, I promised Sloane we wouldn’t wake you. She doesn’t like it when I’m an inconsiderate roommate to you.” 

“I’m sure that’s not the only reason she’d be upset that I heard… things.”

Ferris shrugged. “She thinks of you like I think of you. You know what I mean?”

“Sure,” Cameron said, though he didn’t look like he knew anything.

“So… what kind of porn do you like? Just so we’re both equally informed?”

Cameron sighed. “Ferris. I really have to study.”

\--

“Sloane doesn’t care what you wear.”

“No, buddy, I really need your help. We’re going to a really nice restaurant.” Ferris pulled off his clothes until he was down to his boxers. “Help me decide. I’ll try them both on.”

“The gray shirt is fine,” Cameron said, but Ferris ignored him and tried on the blue shirt. He walked up to Cameron wearing nothing but the dress shirt and his boxers. 

“That one looks fine too,” Cameron said. 

Ferris pulled the shirt off, then bent over to pick up a third shirt and tried it on. 

“Yes, that one’s fine too.”

Ferris looked in the mirror, then pulled it off. He looked down at his body. “Cameron, do you think I should shave my chest?”

“What?”

He walked up to Cameron again, and rubbed his chest. “Do you think Sloane would like it if I had a smooth chest?” 

“I have no idea. But honestly, you don’t have that much hair on your chest, Ferris.”

“I know, but it’s kind of fuzzy. Here, feel.”

“Why?”

“Just feel.”

Cameron rolled his eyes and rubbed his fingers down Ferris’ chest. “It’s fine, Ferris.”

“But what if it were smoother? If I were your boyfriend, which way would you like it?”

“I wouldn’t care, Ferris.”

“So you would like it just like it is now?”

“Yes, okay? Now would you please just… get dressed?”

“What’s up, Cameron? You seem flustered.” Ferris gave him an anxious smile.

Cameron frowned. “I don’t have time for this, Ferris. Just get dressed, okay?” He swallowed nervously.

“Fine,” Ferris said, a little disappointed. He got dressed, and while he did, Cameron packed up his things, apparently having decided that he would be better off doing his chem exercises elsewhere.

“See you,” Ferris said.

“See you,” Cameron said, a bit curtly. Then: “Wait.” 

“Yeah?” Ferris asked.

“Your tie’s not right,” Cameron said, almost reluctantly. He walked over, took Ferris’ tie off, then re-tied it, nice and neat.

“Thanks, buddy. You always got my back,” Ferris said with a charming (he thought) grin.

“Yeah. I do.”

\--

“Nothing is working,” Ferris said. 

“Is he clueless? Or he doesn’t want it?” Sloane asked.

“I can’t tell.”

“Be direct, Ferris.”

“Yeah.”

Sloan rubbed his shoulder. “I know you’re nervous.”

“Pff. I’m not nervous.”

“Okay. But even if Cameron says no, we’ll all still be friends. All right?”

“Do you think he’ll say no?”

“I don’t know. But I think… I feel like he’s attracted to both of us. And he definitely cares about both of us. So I think we have a good shot.”

\--

Ferris was leaning on Cameron’s shoulder as they watched the end of The Godfather on the tiny television screen. 

“That’s the best movie ever,” Cameron said.

“I don’t know. Bambi’s pretty good too.”

“You’re a dork,” Cameron said with a snort, looking down at him fondly.

Ferris paused, then leaned up and kissed him. It was fast and maybe not Ferris’ best work, but it seemed to go fine, it was pretty damn good in fact. Until Cameron pushed him away and said, “What the hell, Ferris?”

“Cameron. I—“

“This is not cool!”

“Sorry! I’m so sorry!”

“How could you do this to Sloane? Sloane is like, amazing. And she’s like my other best friend too!”

“What? No, it’s not like – I mean, don’t worry about Sloane!” 

“Ferris! I know you don’t like to think about your future – ever – but I am telling you, don’t mess it up with her. She is the best thing that ever happened to you.”

“You’re _both_ the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Cameron looked taken aback. “You can’t just treat her – Ferris, you can’t still just treat people however you want.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Ferris said, testily. The two of them had been through a lot. There had been times in the past when Cameron had accused him of being selfish, but Ferris, though pretending it never bothered him, had really been trying to change. And he had thought that Cameron had noticed.

“I’m going to sleep at a friend’s tonight,” Cameron said, grabbing a blanket and pillow and walking out.

Ferris angrily yelled, “You mean you’re going to sleep in the study room. Because Sloane and I are your only friends!”

The door slammed, and Ferris closed his eyes. 

He had completely fucked things up.

He wasn’t used to the feeling.

\--

“It was terrible – he said – we both… said some things.”

Sloane hugged him, rubbed his back. “You two will work it out. You always do. Maybe we should have done this together after all.”

“You really think it's going to be okay?” Ferris said.

Sloane nodded. “Yeah. We just have to clear things up with him.”

\--

They waited until Cameron had to come back after class.

“Hey, guys,” Cameron said awkwardly as he saw them. “I’m not staying long.”

“Hey, Cameron,” Sloane said with a warm smile. She was on the couch. “Sit with me.”

“Okay.” Cameron sat on the opposite side of the couch, picked up a pillow, and held it tight in front of him.

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding,” Sloane said, moving next to him.

Cameron shook his head. “Ferris is a great guy, and he loves you _so_ much, and I would never –“

Sloane kissed him then.

Cameron leaned away, looking bewildered. He looked over at Ferris, like he felt unbearably guilty for something.

“We should have talked to you before Ferris kissed you. We’re sorry,” Sloane said.

“What’s… happening?”

“We were wondering if, maybe, some time, you might want to join Ferris and me. But it’s 100% okay if you don’t want to, and it won’t affect our friendships at all.”

“…Join you and Ferris where?”

They both looked at him.

“Oh. _Oh._ ” Cameron looked at them for a second, then let out a relieved laugh. “Is that what all this was? I thought –“ He looked over at Ferris. “I’m sorry I assumed that, you know.”

“It’s okay,” Ferris said, walking over to sit on the other side of Cameron. “So… what do you think?”

Cameron swallowed. He was still holding the pillow in front of him. “I, um… honestly, I think maybe, I would kind of… like that.”

Sloane and Ferris grinned. 

“You two boys should kiss and make up,” Sloane said, as Cameron let her take away the throw pillow.

Ferris leaned in, slowly, but Cameron moved forward to bring their lips together.

It was long and hot and sweet and just a little bit aggressive.

They parted and they were both out of breath.

Sloane leaned in toward Cameron then, and kissed him too, wet and warm, her tongue pressing past his lips in hard circles. 

She looked at Ferris then. “This is going to work out just fine.”

\--

“Hey,” Ferris said. 

“Hey,” Cameron said, a bit shy again. The three of them were naked, still lying on Cameron’s blanket on the dorm room floor, snuggled together closely, with Cameron in the middle.

“Told you that was a great idea,” Ferris said with a tired smirk.

“Can’t argue with that,” Cameron said. “Are you guys sure this will… be okay? I mean are you sure it won’t get … complicated?”

“You always worry too much,” Ferris said, snuggling closer to both of them. 

“And we think it’s worth the risk,” Sloane said. 

Cameron smiled. “I guess I do too.”

“Great,” Ferris said. “Operation Best Threesome Ever is a success. We should celebrate tomorrow morning. Take the day off, maybe see if we can convince someone with a private jet to take us somewhere. Maybe an island. Maybe I should run for mayor and declare today Threesome day. Or maybe we should fill the university pool with vanilla pudding and--“

“Maybe you should shut our boy up,” Sloane whispered to Cameron, giving him a light slap on the ass. 

“Our boy?” Cameron said, smiling fondly at the term.

“Yeah. And you’re both my boys, right?” she said softly.

Cameron looked touched, almost teary-eyed. 

Ferris added, “How do you feel about having sex on the roof of the gymnasium? Or maybe just have a concert there, and invite the whole university? Or both?”

“Seriously, please shut him up,” Sloane said, and Cameron gently held Ferris’ jaw and kissed him, long and dirty, distracting enough that he lost his train of thought.

Sloane smiled. “Good plan, Ferris.”

Ferris grinned, not quite coherent yet. “I always have the best plans.”


End file.
